you. mrs mcelderry. mrs batinga. my friends. my family. my school. my dogs. my freedom. my license. my privacy. my happiness. all worth fighting for and so, im gonna.
a little while ago i tried to fight to keep one of my friends, and well i guess thats not really a battle you can win. i fought cuzz i cared but i guess that didnt matter. i tried but i guess i lost.
well i decided not to lose anymore so i am going to try to keep my choir teachers. mrs mcelderry and batinga have made the year great and i wont give them up just like that. everything is worth a try. everything is worth fighting for if you care enough. and i mean already with all the seniors leaving, meaning a good handful of my friends are leaving, i really dont need more people leaving. choir is one of the few classes im looking forward to next year and im not sure if im gonna be down with switching of teachers again. plus mrs mcelderry is just about the nicest person ive met and someone who cares as much as she should should be allowed to stay with us. so ive been trying to rally up the students to write in to the district in protest. its worth a shot and its the least i can do.
i cant not try. the regret from not trying is unbearable for me. and this might be one thing that i can fix. i mean i cant stop them from leaving to college. and i cant stop her from choosing to forget about me. but this i think i might be able to stop. so why not give it a shot.
i really wish i did not have to keep fighting to keep the people i care about close to me. i dont think i can take losing another one.
in a unrelated but similar note, minh is being kicked out i believe. i havent talked to him really since he got in trouble. i find it kinda funny, that im the one person he hasnt talked to about stuff. i mean ive been there for the guy through everything. when he turned on me last year and this year, when he lied to me a billion times, when he broke my trust over and over, i still stuck by him. i guess he knows that maybe this was the finisher? i dont know really. i just find it weird that i dont really have any emotions about the situation. i mean honestly everytime i imagined senior year he was in it, and now i see nothing of that. i wish he woulda made the better choice. i cant help feel a little responsible, like i coulda done something, i just wish i knew. and maybe its my fault that im the one person he couldnt really tell shit to when he messed up but i dont know. it sucks to realize that your friend means more to you then you do to them. that may sound self centered but iono, it just sucks.
please stop leaving me. its not somoething i can handle.
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2 comments:
"it sucks to realize that your friend means more to you then you do to them. that may sound self centered but iono, it just sucks."
i totally know what you mean, anaoshak...
i always feel like this happens to me a lot. it always makes me feel like im being selfish..but i dont really think it is. i mean, if we put so much effort into being a good friend to someone, shouldnt we get the same treatment back?
yeah.
Shak,
iono if you read your comments, hahah but yeah i just wanted to say something.
i'm a big fat ass, man. a dick, a fag, a douchebag, a liar, and i guess now..a thief. those stigmas are going to revolved around me until i die. i mean i can't begin to explain all the shit i've been gettin myself into, man. you're right, last year and this year, i pretty much stabbed you in the back, lied about it, and made our relationship crumble. but, seriously, shak, although it seems the total opposite, i love you man. i seriously love you. you're one of my best friends, dude, and i haven't been there for you at all, and if anything i've been causing you a shit load of trouble. you don't deserve that shit man. honestly.
one of the main reasons why i didn't really talk to you about it was cuz i was fuckin scared as shit man about waht was going to happen to me. i mean i talked to an about it cuz he was backing me up, and i didn't wanna get anyone else involved it in, it's was just too much trouble, not taht i can't go to you when i'm in trouble, but hell you know that you already had alotta shit to deal with, man. i just wanted to keep this shit as close to me as possible so it wouldn't hurt anyone else, although that's already too late.
you stuck by me, man. all these yeras, and i still haven't stuck by you the whole time. and for that i'm truly sorry man. i have to pay for it, too, by not being able to walk with you, or any of my other friends next year. that's the shit that killed me the most dude.
and trust me, don't feel responsible, you know i'm an idiot. you knew it ever since you became my best friend, but we had our times man. we've had our own laughs, struggles, bullshits, and all. i don't hate you man. i don't dislike you, i don't envy you or anything. i'm really grateful that you've stuck by me man, don't get me wrong, this situation makes it alot worse for me to prove myself. you do mean alot to me. and i hope i still mean a little something to you. we're niggas, man. we're dangerous, and stay sick. hti me up man, me, you, an gotta lace some more tracks.
and remember
I showed you Jump Jump on da Dick
lates bro.
Minh
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