ill think about it

so yesterday my mom asked me if i wanted to go to Europe. apparently my parents booked themselves tickets that morning and said they could get me one if i wanted to go. they are going to Sweden, France, Germany, and Amsterdam. sounds pretty tight. normally, no one would pass this up, but i couldnt say yes, i said i had to think about it. later that night they told me that they were just gonna go by themselves because hotels and stuff are way too expensive, and im cool with that.

i couldnt say yes cuzz i didnt fully want to go. i think right now i dislike my father more than i ever have before. i cant stand him at home and in a foreign country he will only be a hundred times worse. Italy was fun and all but there were many times i wish i wasnt there. on top of that, that means id be missing out on 3 weeks of summer over here and time i could use to hang out with people. it would mean less time with jillian and other people who i might not see for a long time.

but on the other hand i wanted to go. i really need a vacation. i want to get away so i dont have to think of the things going on around me. it just seems like everyone else is leaving to somewhere, whether its their own vacation or going to college or something, so i wonder why i should stay. Italy was really relaxing at times, like i had nothing to worry about. no school, no friends, no brother, no crap that just normally happens. not to say i didnt think about people but its just different.

relay for life made me scared. i couldnt handle it if someone i knew got cancer. i got so scared i called my mom that night during reading of the names thing and told her im sorry for being an ass. i just got really scared.

i had been carrying this 20 dollar bill around in my wallet for a couple of weeks. its been the last of my birthday money and ive been trying to conserve it. i donated it to the relay. hopefully it can do more good than just sitting in my wallet.


i really wish youd stop showing up everywhere. dreams. in n out. its just stupid.

well, if all goes well, that means its me and my brother for 3 weeks. if you wanna come hang out at my house just give me a call.

peace