risky business

ohh chances. oh risks. i dont see why we sometimes choose the nervousness and anxiety that will definably come due to our actions. i wish things could be simpler. more straight forward. no waiting. if ya need an answer you get one.

its weird. im not the type to take a chance. make myself vulnerable? but there are a few things that i openly do it with. it makes no sense to me. i guess i hate wondering what could have been. what would have happened if i acted differently. so many times i sit in bed at night, and go over something that happened that day. and what would happen if i acted differently. If i did not say that dumb class. If i punched that kid in the face who fucking deserved it. If i was a totally different person, if they were in my situation, how it would turn out better. I think about it so often. Then i really wish i take more risks. And then i take a risk. And it consumes me. Doubt. Worry. What ifs? But theres no room for that. Because right when you act, right when you know what you are going to do, you know exactly why and what happens because of it is not a major concern.


oddest thing: I have gotten the most phone calls ever between Friday and Saturday. None were what i wanted. how gay. my brother calls me too much.

its sunday, watched two movies already. ate some golden bowl for lunch. Menu for tonight is perhaps some more movies and a nice nap.

i think i should keep a dream diary. might be interesting.

song ive missed his music. thank you for coming back.

peace out